WARNING: THE FOLLOWING IS A RANT
Not that I need to give an explanation to anyone but I
HATE when people assume and
their assumptions are wrong!!
Most people know my little family lives in my parent’s
“in-law-suite” in their home. It was designed so you could shut two doors and
it be completely separated from one another, think apartments or duplex. So my
family lives downstairs and my parents and siblings live upstairs on a raised
ranch style home. We have two bathrooms, two bedrooms, a working kitchen,
living room and laundry room all downstairs (my mom and I share the laundry
room – although there is a separate hook up in the downstairs kitchen for a
stack-able washer and dryer). Okay listen, I want to make this crystal clear *ahem* just because we live in my parent’s
basement does not mean we have built-in-babysitters. It does not mean I have
extra help 24-7! People seem to think that I have it so easy as a first time
mom just because my own mom lives upstairs, in the same house. Friend, switch
places with me and then tell me how easy it is after walking crawling in
my shoes just for one day.
Do not mistake me; I am SO eternally grateful for my
mother. She has helped me in ways I could never repay. I will NEVER be able to
thank her enough for everything she has done for me including helping me raise
my children especially in those first few weeks after coming home from the
hospital. When we arrived home I wasn’t able to walk due to the Transient
Migratory Osteoporosis, I couldn’t lay flat because of my C-Section recovery, I
couldn’t pick up my babies, I couldn’t reach the in their crib, etc. My mother
selflessly moved (read slept) downstairs with us so when a baby woke up in the
middle of the night she could hand them to me, but I still did the mother duties.
I changed the babies, I fed them, I held them and rocked them back to sleep. I’m
not saying she didn’t do any of this, no. If both babies were up at the same
time, sure she helped feed one while I had the other, she changed their
diapers, and she put them back to sleep. But for some reason people like to
think I was in another room getting my beauty rest as my mom did all the hard
work. Well that simply is not true. I was right there in the nursery with the
babies the entire time. I just needed someone to hand me them when they woke
up.
Now that I’m “better” I’m still sleeping in the
nursery only now on a proper bed. Those who visited me know I was sleeping on a
recliner for months after my surgery. The girls are in their own beds, and my
mother is back upstairs in her own bed where she belongs (I mean that in the
nicest way). I am slowly recovering from
the TMO and am able to stand and walk around the house, hobbled. I can get the
babies out of their cribs, I can stand to hold them and sway – all things I
wasn’t able to do before. Because of this, I alone am on night watch. I feed
them, change them, put them back to sleep – all things you as a mother do
yourself. There is no difference that your mother lives on a different road or
in a different city, or state and mine lives upstairs.
As far as baby sitting goes, I am so incredibly lucky
that my mom offered to quit working to watch the girls. Like any sane person I
took her up on that. I am not fortunate enough to stop working and be a stay at
home mom. Eric and I both need jobs to pay the bills but out of every possibility
this is the best scenario for us! When Eric and I arrive home though grandma is
off duty completely, and it is mom’s and dad’s turn. Again, I’m not saying no
one has anything to do with them when they get home but if they cry it’s up to
Eric and I to figure out why and fix it, we’re the ones who do the nightly
routines and put them to bed. Not grandma, or grandpa or auntie or uncle, mom
and dad. When Eric and I want to go out for the night or even when we just need
to go grocery shopping we still ask if anyone is available to watch the girls.
We don’t just tell them, oh yeah we’re going here – be back in XX amount of
time. No, we still plan. We still ask. It’s never assumed that oh my mom is
home she’ll just watch the kids. Even if she has nothing going on she still has
the right to decline to baby sit for us just as any other sitter does.
I guess I’m just so sick of hearing all the murmurings
of how easy I have it. This hasn’t been easy. The TMO has put a strain on
motherhood and my marriage like nothing ever has, and I believe it’s the LORD
humbling me. But raising two children with this condition is FAR FROM EASY and
I just so happen to be blessed with a mother who put everything aside to care
for me and my children, open her home the way she has for us, and be there
every step of the way when I needed her. Some people may think we’re crazy for
having kids before we had a house or think that I may be “jealous” because we
don’t have one but honestly we are SO blessed we do not own a home at this
time. I wouldn’t be able to keep up with it in the condition that I am in. I
don’t see this as unfortunate, but as blessed that we do not have more baggage
and responsibilities than we currently do!
So…take that haters. I take care of my own kids, I’m
not upset we don’t have more responsibilities and I have an awesome family. *BAM* Had to get that one off my chest.
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