Nursing Aversion / Agitation

Breastfeeding has been a hard and long road for us and we’re only four months in. If you read my Twin Birth Story you’ll know that we had trouble with breastfeeding from the very start. There are so many things I wish I could go back and change, but alas – I know I cannot. For a quick reminder, I was so sick when I woke up from my C-Section surgery, I did not get a spinal and I was completely knocked out. I was sick and frozen from the anesthesia and so out of it for the remainder of that day that my babies got bottles for their first feeds and when we tried to nurse for the first time it was disastrous. They were so little they couldn’t figure out how to latch and stay latched, so we had a lactation consultant come in and help and she gave us great advice and encouraged us to keep trying, that it might take a few days to a few weeks for them to really get the hang of it, but not to give up. She was great. Now, I did not leak or have any milk prior to my C-Section so my body didn’t know it wasn’t pregnant any more and it took a full day for my colostrum to come in and then three to four days after that for my actual milk to come in. This caused my babies to scream at the breast but we kept at it, offering the breast first each time they were hungry but they still couldn’t latch on. Not surprising, turns out I have flat nipples, making it even harder for my small babies to grab on especially after having bottles. They were going through nipple confusion and preferred the one where they didn’t have to work very hard to get to the milk…so I bought nipple shields. After a week or so of trying with the shields my little Georgia figured nursing out. Finally, we were fully breastfeeding, but only one baby. Olivia still hadn’t got the hang of it and it would stress her out each time I tried and offered it to her. So on top of nursing I was pumping too and giving what I got pumping to Olivia in a bottle.

I quickly became frustrated because my supply went from ½ oz. to 1 oz. to 2 oz. and stopped. I could feed one newborn baby in the early weeks but not two, so I pumped even more trying to increase my supply. I bought herbs and supplements known to increase milk production, I made boobie bites and milk increasing smoothies, I hand pumped, I drank coconut water/milk, I ate lots of protein, drank 64oz. of water a day, I read every article, book and clipping about milk supply that I could get my hands on but my body just wouldn’t do it. My thyroid had won. Having any thyroid condition can (but not always) hinder your supply.

So I wouldn’t be able to nurse every feeding. I had to learn to be ok with that but that's when IT started. One night I was sitting in the recliner nursing Georgia when all of a sudden it felt like ants were crawling up my legs. Ugh!! I shook my leg. Nothing there. A few moments later I felt the sensation again. BAH!! I moved and the feeling was gone. “Is there a bug somewhere in this seat with me?” I thought. I got up and moved to a different spot and continued feeding Georgia. The next night the same thing happened and now I chalked it up to it just being my gimpy legs. They must not have liked sitting in this position for this long, it might be irritating the TMO (Trainset Migratory Osteoporosis). This went on for a couple of weeks.

The night I will never forget though was the one that scared me the most. I was nursing Georgia in the recliner again and this sensation of hatred came over me. My entire skin felt like it was crawling. I wanted Georgia to stop eating, and stop now! I wanted to push her little face off of me. I wanted her to let go! I kept screaming in my head “I hate breastfeeding, I HATE breastfeeding!” Finally I couldn’t take it any longer and I pulled Georgia away from me. The minute she stopped nursing I stopped seeing red, and all the sensations stopped. She just looked at me shocked and then started to cry. She was still hungry. I regained my composure and continued nursing. All I remember thinking was “is that how let down feels?” Many people had told me that it can hurt or feel like a weird prickling sensation under your armpit so I thought maybe that’s what it was. After a couple months of fighting through this hatred feeling I finally got some sense to look up the symptoms I was experiencing and see if anyone else was going through this too or if I was just going crazy.

What is Nursing Aversion / Agitation?

Feelings of anger and irritability couples with skin itching or crawling sensations while the infant is latched, and the urgent need to remove the feeding child. Shame and guilt about wanting to unlatch child accompany these feelings. It can be a very difficult and lonely experience for mothers who go through it.  Currently there is no known reason for its cause as very few studies have been published. Any woman can have it at any point in the nursing journey. It has varying duration and severities which are different for each mother. Some experience it once, and other every feed. Some experience it with one child but not with another.

Signs of Nursing Aversion / Agitation

• Feeling touched out / too much physical contact
• Feeling an itchy and/or crawling sensation
• Feeling discomfort/pain while the child is sucking
• Having anger and/or rage when infant is latched
• Feeling desperate and wanting to leave

Causes and Trigger

• Menstrual cycle, hormones, thoughts and emotions
• Not eating or sleeping well enough
• Need to hydrate
• Tandem feeding
• Time of day or night
• Pregnancy
• Postpartum depression
• Sexual abuse
• Cessation of intimacy with partner
• Lack of minerals (magnesium, iron, vitamins A, D and B Complex)
• Not having a break from being a primary caregiver.
• Pain
• Cortisol – High stress hormone

What to do

• Join a mother to mother peer support group (tons on Facebook)
• Try to identify what your triggers are
• Get your sleep
• Have a breastfeeding only location
• Hydration and Nutrition are very important
• Not offering but not refusing the breasts also helps when nursing toddlers
• Limiting feeds/time duration at the breast (toddlers)
• Proper latch
• Distract yourself by scrolling the web

Tips

Keep a diary of when your aversion happens, make special notes about where you were, what time of day or night it was, and how you were feeling before it started. Establish the pattern and find your triggers.

Ask the doctor to perform a full blood test checking all female hormones, Iron, Vitamins etc. to rule out all deficiencies or other conditions.

See a registered nutritionist to make sure you’re getting the proper nutrition.